We’re closing in on nearly two years since the popular erotic trilogy was published, which had ladies lined up at their bookstores for a between-the-pages peek into a fictionalized relationship involving dominance and submission. The books themselves are still wildly popular, and their effects on pop culture still reverberate regularly, from the Internet to the bedroom.

The Cultural Conundrum

A number of critics have raised questions about what it means that so many women are indulging these fantasies of being submissive in the bedroom, whether in their mind or in action. Are women taking a step backward, dreaming of submitting to the sexual whims of their partners? Should feminists be concerned that women are ready to give up their rights to equal treatment in their everyday lives if they’re willing to surrender control in the bedroom? Why would modern women fantasize about relationships where they relinquish the ability to make decisions for themselves? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?

From one feminist to another, I am not uncomfortable with people exploring the topics of dominance and submission, and it is interesting that this has captured the imagination of so many women right now. However, the sweeping generalization that the popularity of submissive fantasies signals the decline of female progress borders on the absurd – and seems much more dangerous than the fantasy itself.

Fantasies Unbound

The fantasy of submission (or dominance) is not for everyone, but the fact that 50 Shades of Grey is so prominent in the culture has opened up the opportunity for more people to explore such a fantasy. Many sexual taboos have begun to strip away, and adult toy manufacturers have eagerly responded with new toys and accessories to provide people with ways to get a little (or a lot) kinkier, depending on the person or couple. If you want your man to wear a sexy gray tie out to dinner and then tie you up with it later, such a tie is just a few clicks away.

I celebrate the liberating fact that women can more freely admit what they want to try in bed. After all, what is more empowering than being able to choose the path you want to take, whether in your career, home life or bedroom? Many women who act as a submissive sexually explain a satisfaction and feeling of release they would not otherwise attain – and good for them for living out their desires. As for true control, in this situation, they are the ones deciding they want to be dominated.

So take the time and effort to discuss and indulge your sexual fantasies with your partner, as long as you’re both willing. A “modern” feminist should have the opportunity to be what she wants to be in bed, and the spectrum this covers extends way past 50 shades, surely. Dress up like pirates. Get spanked or paddled. Use a vibrator. These days, it’s your choice, and that’s a beautiful thing.

Here we are in the middle of graduation season! As you watch these young men and women embark on the next chapter of their lives, you have the opportunity to utilize the same symbolism for yourself. While it may have been years since you’ve been in a cap and gown, education never stops and this time of year is a reminder to look back on what has been accomplished while taking the necessary steps to move forward.

A relationship is certainly an education. One with a series of tests, extensive research, the roles of teacher and student, unexpected courses in math, science, biology, chemistry, history, speech, writing, sex ed and, hopefully, a bit of recess! You may not be able to march across a stage to receive a diploma and the applause of an audience acknowledging the accomplishments of relationships, but you are still able to incorporate some of the key elements of graduation into your personal growth.

REFLECTION

We are a world built on momentum that is constantly reaching forward. We rarely take the time to examine the past and the amazing things we have accomplished so far. Take some time to look at the life you have created for yourself. Really see it. Don’t focus on the things that you want to change but allow yourself instead to see what you have done that is incredible. Think about your life’s story and imagine that you are hearing it as if it belongs to someone else. What parts of the story excite you, thrill you, astonish you with their bravery, leave you in awe of our hero? Well, the hero of this story is you. Embrace that.

GRATITUDE

While reflecting, extend gratitude to those that have given your life its color. Maybe this will inspire you to reach out to an old friend. Maybe you will do something unexpected and kind for a neighbor or colleague. Maybe you will sit down with your partner, take their hands and express your gratitude for all the gifts they have brought into your life. Or maybe you will just sit with their image in your mind and love in your heart. Genuine gratitude is an incredible thing to give to another person but it is equally important to give it to ourselves. Take a moment to look in the mirror and see yourself fully and without apology. The person you see is the single most important relationship in your life. Say “thank you.”

FORGIVENESS

One of the single hardest things in life to do is to forgive. It is also one of the single most important things you can do for your own well-being. Forgiveness does not let those that have hurt us off the hook as much as it lets us off our own hook. As Lewis B. Smedes says, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” And perhaps even more challenging than trying to forgive another is making the choice to forgive yourself. Yes, you have made mistakes. That is one of the prices of living. But that is also one of life’s gifts because our mistakes give us character, give us humility, and they give us humor. You are not your mistakes, you are how you let your errors define you. Without mistakes there can be no forgiveness and without forgiveness there can be no love!

NEW GOALS

This is the time to think about what you would like to do next. How do you want to live your life and how do you want your relationships to evolve? A graduating senior must choose whether to continue their education, join the work force, take a sabbatical, settle down or party on. As a student of life, what would you next like to do or learn? Make some new goals. Sure, you can make them epic “bucket list” goals like visit Bora Bora, learn to speak Mandarin, or compete in a triathlon. But find some simple goals as well. Get out of bed 30 minutes earlier. Put down the TV remote and read a book. Learn about one of your partner’s hobbies and surprise them with a gift that shows you support their own goals.

One of the great gifts to give a graduating senior of any age is the Dr. Seuss classic “Oh The Places You’ll Go.” It’s a sweet and whimsical tale filled with reminders of what a great adventure living can be. So as you journey on into the next chapter of your life, I give this great quote from the book, “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”

Calling all mothers to take control and make your special day mindful and memorable by planning it yourself in advance. With all the responsibilities you juggle, you deserve to take the day off from giving to others so that you can focus on taking care of your mind and body. It’s time for you to give to yourself generously and mindfully. Celebrate your special day your way and accept that you are worthy of receiving all the pleasures the world has to offer.

Here are 12 gifts to give yourself that will empower you to feel more confident, secure, liberated and fulfilled.

1. Begin by treating yourself as if you are the madly in love with you. Write a love letter to yourself and list all the things that make you loveable including your positive physical features, behaviors and personality traits.
2. Put your order in for Mother’s Day breakfast in bed, but be specific about the time and the menu, otherwise your partner or children may just serve you cold cereal at the crack of dawn.
3. Relax in a bubble bath with rose petals in the water while listening to your favorite music and let your mind wonder to your own scenic paradise.  If you prefer to take a romantic bath with your partner, tell them to wash and dry you, since you are the receiver of pleasure today.
4. Unleash your feminine power by dressing in something that makes you feel as good as you can about yourself, whether it’s a designer dress with stilettos, jeans with a sexy tee and cowboy boots, or a flowing gypsy skirt with sandals and blouse. When you feel self-assured, others will perceive you as confident.
5. Love yourself enough for some well-deserved pampering by treating yourself to a skin care treatment, hair coloring, cutting or styling, makeup application, therapeutic massage, intimate waxing, brow shaping or coloring, manicure and/or a pedicure.
6. Give in to temptation and indulge in your favorite cravings, even if it’s a high calorie red velvet cupcake, peanut butter ice cream, chocolate fudge cake, caramel popcorn, cheesecake, box of gourmet chocolates, milkshake or some awesome cheeses with French bread. It’s okay to give in and satisfy yourself with yummy treats on your special day without any feelings of guilt.
7. Reward yourself by buying some new lingerie and negligees. Be sure to have a variety to fit your every mood from an elegant chemise, naughty baby doll, sexy teddy, daring thongs, strapless bra, plunge bra or under-wire push-up bra. Wearing sexy lingerie under everyday clothes can put you in a juicy state of mind and boost your confidence.
8. If you have read Fifty Shades of Grey, then you know that it took the world by storm, selling more than 70 million copies, topping best-seller lists. You can bring the fun of the writing to your very own bedroom with the help of a Shades of Grey Kit thoughtfully put together by The Experience Channel. There is FREE shipping on all products including adult toys and lingerie until Mothers Day.  No Minimums purchase required at at http://www.theexperiencechannel.com/
9. Meditation and creative visualization allows your mind and body to de-stress and re-energize so that you feel more balanced. Integrate breathing as an exercise as you exhale any negative energy and inhale positive energy for an overall sense of exhilaration.
10. Every woman has her own signature scent, so treat yourself to a bottle of your favorite perfume or try a new fragrance that fits your personality. Have fun exploring different types of scents from floral, fruity, spicy, woody to musky by dabbing a drop on your pulse points behind your ears or on the wrists.
11. Dining options on Mother’s Day range from scrumptious buffets to candlelight dinners, but restaurants get booked up in advance so make sure that you choose a place that serves a truly memorable meal that you didn’t have to prepare.
12. Have fun doing something you haven’t done in a long time or ever. You are in control of your itinerary, so make it good and don’t make excuses. If you want to go to a theater, a winery, nature walk, the beach or a boat ride, state your desires to your family and let them know that you have made arrangements to make this Mother’s Day the most mindful and memorable.

This is a great lesson in giving and receiving to yourself because you are worthy of pleasure all the time, not just on Mother’s Day.

It is hard not to feel sexy in a pair of high heels as they change the way a woman feels and walks, in a more sensuous way. Her body is also accentuated as heels thrust her hips and breasts forward, rounding off the buttocks, making it seemingly more appealing. They make the feet look smaller and the legs look longer, firmer and thinner leading the eyes of an admirer gradually upwards and between her thighs. High heels increase height and sex-appeal for a woman and it can get her into a juicy frame of mind. One of the main reasons for wearing high heels is the improvement of confidence as they can make a woman look more graceful, elegant, glamorous, sexy, and beautiful. But did you know that wearing high heels can be good for a woman’s sexual health as well?

In a study published in the Journal of European Urology, Dr. Maria Angela Cerruto presented the results of her tests on 66 women and found that if they stood with their feet at a 15-degree angle to the ground the electrical activity in their pelvic muscles was less — indicating the muscles were more relaxed with higher heels, thus improving their strength and ability to contract.

High heels are synonymous with sex, so if they are too uncomfortable to wear out, just wear them in bed and see how it can emphasize your sexual power.

Shoes have serious sex appeal for women. In fact some women think buying, owning or wearing a pair of shoes is better than sex. If asked, many women would agree that it doesn’t matter how many pairs you have, there is always room for more. There’s some science behind it with experts agreeing that women experience positive physiological effects when shopping for shoes. The feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine is released into the brain, flooding it with a pleasure endorphins that intensify all the way up to the actual purchase.

For shoe fetishists, the Stiletto is the ultimate in high heels. Thinner and higher than most high heels, it can be up to seven inches in height. Although high heels were around for some centuries, the stiletto was formed by Italian shoemakers in the 1950′s when they inserted a metal stick into the heel of a shoe in a bid to stop heels breaking.

Do you enjoy having a torrid love affair with both food and sex? Does eating juicy succulent fruit with abandon and licking your fingers while making sounds of pleasure excite you? Does the sensory experience and aroma of fresh tomatoes with basil spark your arousal so that you cannot resist devouring a taste before it is ready to serve? Well, that means you are probably a passionate lover!

Or are you a finicky eater who shuffles food around the plate while counting the calories in your head? It’s hard to feel sexy when you are hungry. So, let’s face it, if you’re passionate about food, you’re more likely to be passionate about sex.

Food and sex are two of the greatest pleasures known to mankind and both appetites need to be fulfilled. They are part of our vital life force and stimulate all of ours senses. So make a date to cook with your partner and spend some quality time together as you create some sizzling sexy fun with orgasmic foods.

Cooking a sexy meal together can bring on a state of euphoria conducive to sexual expression, especially when you have a variety of flavors; textures, aromas and it looks like a work of art. For example fresh shrimp cocktail presented in beautiful glasses, followed by a light colorful salad sprinkled with sesame seeds, then a juicy, succulent piece of lean meat or a soft, fluffy fish with savory vegetables and decadent chocolate soufflé with ruby red raspberry sauce to complete the delicious meal. Mmm, it sounds orgasmic, doesn’t it? Well that’s because all of these foods can facilitate the big O!

If you’re not much into cooking, here are ten orgasmic foods that you can snack on and they are sure to stir up your sex life.

1. A stalk of crunchy celery is packed with two pheromones that can help men attract women, according to Dr. Alan Hirsch, a neurologist and psychiatrist who has devoted over 25 years of research to the science of smell and taste.

2. Vanilla Ice Cream can boost your libido and can make your orgasm more powerful. A study conducted at Chicago’s Smell and Taste Treatment found that when men smell the scent of vanilla it reduces their inhibitions.

3. The American Dietetic Association reports that Brazil nuts can help keep sperm cells healthy, but if you prefer almonds, you’re in luck as they are high in libido-boosting vitamin E that can boost sex drive.

4. Blueberries are Mother nature’s original potency food for men with erectile problems. Professor Mary Ellen Camire at the University of Maine reports that they are loaded with soluble fiber, which helps push excess cholesterol through the digestive system and they are packed with compounds that help relax blood vessels, improving circulation all through the body.

5. The naughty looking banana can help your body produce sex hormones a few hours before getting it on and it converts carbs into energy so it will give you more endurance between the sheets.

6. The Journal of Sexual Medicine reports that one cube of dark chocolate daily can lead to greater desire and better overall sexual function.

7. Cherries are sweet and tasty, but also stimulate pheromone production and have potassium that is essential for producing sexual hormones.

8. Cucumber is a phallic looking food that arouses women by its aroma as well as the taste. Nutritionally, they provide several nutrients essential for sexual health, including Vitamin C and a mineral called manganese.

9. Strawberries are luscious to look at and delicious to eat, but also a high source of vitamin C and rich in antioxidants that benefit the heart and help lower cholesterol.

10. Ladies chewing on Licorice found it to enhance love and lust as it contains plant estrogen’s and stimulates the sex glands, bringing oxygen to the female genitals 40% faster. Dr. Allan Hirsch of the Smell and Taste Research Institute in Chicago found that the most arousing aroma for women was the combination of Good and Plenty candies with cucumber or Good and Plenty candy with banana bread.  For men, it was the combination of donuts and licorice.

If you want to experience orgasmic food and hotter sex, I recommend, a delightful cookbook written and illustrated with fabulous photos by Linda DeVillers PhD designed to help stimulate and satisfy your creative appetites and get your home fires burning, entitled, Simple Sexy Food. In her book she writes, “Just about any food that resembles the reproductive organs—penis and testicles in men, and breasts, labia, vagina, and ovaries in women—has been cited for aphrodisiac powers. Further, animals and plants with perceived reproductive power (masculine or feminine) are thought by many to aid human sexuality.”

You’ll discover 101 delectable foods and drink recipes, detailed aphrodisiacs, tips and secrets to spice up both the kitchen and the bedroom.

I’m sure many of us have been there – studying for hours at a time, cramming for college exams or just reading a boring textbook until the words start to swim together. You know you have to keep going, but you’re about to fall asleep from the monotony.

I learned early that the best solution to this was a quick break for a little “me time,” if you know what I mean. Nothing like the mind-clearing release of an orgasm to get you started fresh. Since I shared a dorm room, I would have to get the job done quickly. And of course I had to back to my schoolwork…haha

Continue Reading

It’s a widely accepted notion that a vibrator is the go-to toy for women trying to find some pleasure on their own. It’s often a quick, reliable means to an orgasm, but if you’re in a relationship, it can also be a source of jealousy for your partner – especially, as it turns out, if your favorite vibrator actually resembles a penis.

If your partner is a man, this can stem from often-inflated insecurities about penis size, his ability to please, or you getting pleasure without him. But the fact of the matter is, he’s probably often seeking pleasure without you (on his own), and you deserve the same opportunity, too.

Feel the Vibrations Together

So rather than causing tension in your relationship, or stashing your vibrator in some hidden place he’d never think to look, consider a vibrator as a means to bring you pleasure, together. There are a number of toys (vibrating cock rings, for instance) that can help him quickly realize that vibration feels good for him, too. Many companies are imagining unique products that can be used by both men and women.

Continue Reading

Judging from people I’ve talked to, most of them are bored with the same old sex routine.  Foreplay, missionary, then sleep isn’t cutting it anymore, so I’ve come up with a list of the top 10 places to bump uglies to bring you out of your funk.  Here they are:

Continue Reading